The Parent's Role

Teaching Values

Setting and Enforcing Rules Against the Use of Alcohol and Other Drugs

Introduction

Child rearing is one of the most important tasks anyone ever performs, and the one for which there is the least preparation.  Most of us learn how to be parents through "on the job training" and by following the example that our parents set.

Today, the widespread use of alcohol and other drugs subjects our children, families, and communities to pressures unheard of 30 or 40 years ago.  Frankly, many of us need help to deal with this frightening threat to our children's health and well-being.  Fortunately, we also know more about what works to prevent drug use by our young people.

As parents, we can build on that progress in our own families by having strong, loving relationships with our children, by teaching standards of right and wrong, by setting and enforcing rules for behavior, by knowing the facts about alcohol and other drugs, and by really listening to our children.

Teaching Values

Every family has expectations of behavior that are determined by principles and standards.  Call them "values."  Very often, these values help children decide not to use alcohol or other drugs.  Social, family, and religious values give young people reasons to say no and help them stick to their decisions.

You probably know these things, and probably already practice them in your home.  Still, it never hurts to look at the things we do as parents.  So here are some ways to help make your family's values clear:

• Communicate values openly.  Talk about why values such as honesty, self-reliance, and responsibility are important, and how values help children make good decisions.  Teach your child how each decision builds on previous decisions as one's character is formed, and how a good decision makes the next decision easier.
  
  
• Recognize how your actions affect the development of you child's values.  Simple stated, children copy their parents' behavior.  Children whose parents smoke, for example, are more likely to become smokers.  Try to think about and evaluate your own use of tobacco, alcohol, prescription medicines, and even over-the-counter drugs.  Consider how your attitudes and actions may be shaping your child's choice about whether or not to use alcohol or other drugs.

This does not mean that if you are in the habit of having wine with dinner or an occasional beer or cocktail you stop.  Children can understand and accept that there are differences between what adults may do legally and responsibly, and what is appropriate and legal for children.

Keep that distinction sharp, however.  Don't involve your children with your drinking by letting them mix a cocktail for you or bring you a beer.  And though it may seem harmless enough, don't allow your child to have sips of your drink.

There are many things a lot of us do without thinking twice.  It's normal.  But if we want to send our kids the right message, it's a good idea to be careful about certain behaviors.

• Watch for conflicts between your words and your actions.  Remember that children are quick to sense when parents send signals by their actions that it's all right to duck unpleasant duties or to be dishonest.
  
  
• Make sure that your child understands your family values.  Parents assume, sometimes mistakenly, that children have "absorbed" values even though they may be rarely or never discussed.  You can test your child's understanding by discussing some common situations at the dinner table; for example, "What would you do if you saw a stranger drop a dollar bill without noticing?"

Setting and Enforcing Rules Against the Use of Alcohol and Other Drugs

As parents, we are responsible for setting rules for our children to follow.  When it comes to alcohol and other drug use, strong rules need to be established to protect the well-being of a child.

Setting rules is only half the job, however; we must also be prepared to enforce the penalties when the rules are broken.  When making rules:

• Be specific.  Explain the reasons for the rules.  Tell your child what the rules are and what behavior is expected.  Discuss the consequences of breaking the rules: what the punishment will be, how it will be carried out, how much time will be involved, and what the punishment is supposed to achieve.
  
  
• Be consistent.  Make it clear to your child that a no-alcohol/no drug-use rule remains the same at all times - in your home, in a friend's home. anywhere the child is.
  
  
• Be reasonable.  Don't add new consequences that have not been discussed before the rule was broken.  Avoid unrealistic threats such as, "Your father will kill you when he gets home."  Instead, react calmly and carry out the punishment that the child expects for breaking the rule.

Tips For Parents

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Acknowledgment: This page was adapted by Alonso Lopez from the original Partnership For A Drug-Free America